Who should actually play the Super Bowl halftime show?
Our realistic and wild card picks
Hey. It’s Manny, Noah, and Devan, again. We just want to quickly say how excited we are that so many of you subscribed to the newsletter after Manny shamelessly begged on the last couple of posts. We’re still working on our next big project, but in the meantime, we thought we’d come up with something fun for you to read. As the Super Bowl approaches, so too does the Super Bowl halftime performance by none other than Usher. While his appointment to this sacred tradition feels like it was a long time coming, we couldn’t help but wonder: who else could knock this out of the park? The following is a transcription of our conversation on the ideal Super Bowl performance. Think about it like a podcast, but for your eyes. Like a readable podcast.
Manny: I have a pick for someone who could very well do the Super Bowl, but I'm just not quite sure how good it would be. This person has been making news this week. It’s Drake. At the risk of sounding a little crazy, I think Drake probably has more recognizable songs than any artist, maybe ever? Like the sheer number of big hits that he has is nuts — he’s beaten all these crazy records by Michael Jackson and The Beatles.
The only problem is that I’ve seen Drake live a couple of times, and I don’t know if he has the performance acumen to be successful. It's harder for rappers. Like, they're not dancing. When we see a Super Bowl performance, we want some kind of a huge spectacle. Even The Weeknd, like, he was just kind of two-stepping around a little bit. He doesn't do choreography like that. But I think we need some kind of a huge moment.
Noah: Basically for people at that level, it's him and Taylor Swift. It’s inevitable. Huge artists who can probably do it whenever they decide they want to do it, they just call whoever runs the NFL or CBS.
Manny: The setlist for a potential Drake Super Bowl halftime performance…I mean, if you picked like ten songs, each of them were number one hits at some point.
Devan: What's his opening song? It has to be a song where you get to do that thing where it's like, you break down the instrumental, so it’s like a little acapella with big drums.
Manny: ”Last name ever….(dun dun)...first name greatest…”
Noah: See, that's a great one.
Manny: The whole crew's coming out.
Noah: Eminem's talking about macadamia nuts.
Manny: You can't go wrong. The real problem is if he can, you know, perform.
Noah: I think so much of it now is based on all these huge sets that they do at the concerts anyway, where there’s like a flying car. I feel like the actual person kind of doesn't have to do anything. Look, it's great if you can dance, but you can also just have a bunch of cool stuff moving around.
Devan: That's true. You kind of barely have to even be there.
Manny: Yeah, I just showed Mia the Creed halftime performance. It was the 2001 Thanksgiving game, it wasn't a Super Bowl, but they went nuts for that. They had a trapeze artist and doves were flying off and he had this giant jersey on and like, he ultimately wasn't doing all that much. So shout out to Creed and Scott Stapp.
Devan: I'll go next. In the spirit of an artist with great songs that will probably not give a great performance, I'm picking Justin Bieber.
Manny: Wow.
Devan: I think Justin Bieber has some hits. He just performed at some NHL thing. This is my entire TikTok feed right now. I guess he hasn't performed in a while.
Manny: NHL? Oh, I guess he's Canadian.
Devan: I think similar to Drake, like, I don't think Justin Bieber is a great performer, but I think he just has so many hits and we don't have that many huge pop stars who have not yet done the Super Bowl. They’re talking about how he might come out for Usher.
Noah: I could definitely see that happening.
Devan: Usher is his mentor.
Manny: Did he find Justin Bieber? Is that the story?
Devan: Well, Bieber had to decide between Usher and Justin Timberlake as his mentor. That was the big story.
Noah: Probably made the right choice.
Devan: And opening song: “Baby,” of course.
Noah: He's young enough too where he's not doing much now, he'll come back and then it'll be a huge thing.
Manny: I know he's gotten into some shit in the past, but like, these days? Largely unproblematic. It's just not really a controversial choice.
Devan: He was actually a kid when he was doing that stuff.
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Noah: All right. My pick is a band, which means they realistically they won't be asked. At this point, I don't really see any bands doing the Super Bowl ever again. My pick is Metallica.
Devan: They haven't done it? That’s surprising.
Noah: I could just picture it. You see videos of them playing all over the world.
Devan: Football stadiums.
Noah: Yeah, they'll play like five shows in any stadium when they're touring. Still! They'd open with “Enter Sandman.” It just feels like what should be playing at an NFL game.
Manny: When was the last time a band did the Super Bowl?
Devan: Coldplay?
Manny: What year was that? Didn’t Maroon 5 do it recently?
Devan: Yeah, but it was like a fake headliner because they had like three other people.
Noah: Then Travis Scott came out. And Red Hot Chili Peppers came out during the Bruno Mars one.
Devan: They need to move away from that whole fake headliner thing where there's 12 other people. Like what are we doing here? It’s not that long of a time, it’s like 12 minutes.
Manny: A lot of people liked the 2022 one with the West Coast rappers. I just thought that was so sad.
Noah: They had fun out there.
Devan: That night I was at a Lupe concert that got rescheduled like 15 times because of COVID. It was a Food & Liquor 15-year anniversary but it was like three years past the anniversary. I’ve never seen Brooklyn Steel so empty. But the dude in front of me, while the opener was performing, he had a phone to his ear and he was listening and watching the halftime show while someone was on stage performing.
Devan: All right, wild card picks.
Manny: Right. My wild card will literally never play the Super Bowl, but unfortunately, it would be an incredible performance. It’s Kanye West.
Devan: That's on my list, too, regrettably.
Noah: I thought you were going to say Breezy.
Manny: Unfortunately, that would also be a great performance. We don’t want to see it happen, obviously, but sadly, it would be good. Speaking strictly about the physical performance.
Noah: Have him do flips out there.
Manny: But yeah, I think it goes without saying that pretty much every single Kanye West has ever had, save for the last few years, was a huge mega-hit and I think he, as terrible as he is, has that part of him that can design a show really well.
Devan: Exactly. He would be so meticulous about it.
Manny: So what would end up happening is that Kanye West’s Super Bowl halftime performance wouldn't happen until like two weeks after the actual game.
Devan: Because the stage isn't set to his specifications. He's the artist I've seen the most. I say 11 and a half times, because the last time was when Kim got robbed in Paris and he cut the show short.
Noah: So when was the first time you saw him?
Devan: Glow In the Dark Tour.
Noah: Oh, wow.
Devan: We're old. At his peak of caring about performing, in terms of rappers, I've never seen someone as good. And I think part of it too is that it's a little bit unpredictable, right? There's that unease of, like, he might throw the microphone, he might yell at somebody, but that adds to it because it's like it feels very alive and real.
That's my disconnect with someone like Kendrick, who I know is incredible. I get it. The songs are great. I've seen him perform live. He's very good, but it's all very rehearsed and he's hitting his marks. And my dude is not going to mess up a line. He's not going to forget anything. And to me it's just so much more interesting to see a Kanye show and he's yelling at the lighting guy between lines. Seeing that at the Super Bowl would just be incredible.
Manny: Yeah, I think it'd be such a good mix of, like, the meticulous show design and then also the spontaneity that we know him to have.
Noah: Until a few years ago he would have been on that shortlist of, “they're going to do it sometime.”
Devan: I felt like it was always like he would be great, but because he's so unpredictable, especially now, they will never invite him to do it. And of course, he has to open with “Runaway” so you can have that piano note repeating as he walks out.
Noah: Maybe when he's like 70, they'll let him do it.
Manny: I don’t know if the sport of football will be around by the time he's 70. We’ve got a limited time here.
Noah: So my wild card Super Bowl pick is Guided by Voices. They're a long-running band from Dayton, Ohio. I learned they have a football connection they were on the NCAA 2006 soundtrack.
Manny: Oh yeah, I had it on GameCube, I think. One time during the early days of the pandemic, we were at an apartment and it was one of the first times that we saw each other in a long time, so we got pretty drunk, and then you guys put some music on and it was Guided By Voices. They came on the speaker and I was like “Oh shit, I know that song.” And you were like, “How the hell do you know that song?”
Noah: Potentially racist of us.
Manny: I think you were in the right to ask because every time we go to karaoke, I don’t know a single one of the rock songs that you guys sing. But that game provided us some overlap. The soundtrack for that game just had all these pop rock kind of songs on them.
Noah: It’s basically one guy and he puts out like four albums a year and they have done that since the late eighties. So huge catalog to select from.
Devan: Is it good?
Noah: I made a playlist of all their stuff I have in my library and it’s multiple days long, and I’m a few albums behind. So it’s pretty much impossible to keep up with but there are gems throughout if you have the stamina for it.
Manny: I can only speak for “Teenage FBI” since it was on that college football game, and that song slaps.
Manny: So I have a guest answer. I was talking to our good friend, Max Tani. He's a media reporter for Semafor. He mentioned that he thinks at some point soon, Post Malone is going to do the Super Bowl.
Devan: Oh, yeah.
Noah: He’s actually kind of a perfect person for it because he's like the crossover guy. He can do a performance where he's playing guitar and he can also rap and stuff.
Devan: Maybe we shouldn't include this, but I think they’re going to have to work on his personal appearance if he’s going to play the Super Bowl.
Manny: Yeah, they might need to clean him up.
Noah: He'll get there eventually.
Manny: Who's the worst looking person that's done the Super Bowl?
Noah: Has Ed Sheeran done it?
Manny: He has not.
Noah: I don't think he has. That's a good one.
Devan: He’ll definitely do it at some point.
Manny: I don't know any Ed Sheeran songs. I mean, I probably recognize a few, but I couldn't name one except “Shape of You.” But I know a lot of people like him, so that would be a good pick.
Noah: He’s huge. Like a lot of wedding songs.
Devan: What’s the song where he says “I’ll love you until you’re 70?”
Manny: What? That's not even romantic. What happens when I turn 70? You just don't love me anymore? That’s messed up.
Let us know who we overlooked, and thanks for reading. More soon!
My pitch is Miley Cyrus (ft. Dolly Parton for 1 song). She was born for this. She's country and pop, she's got a huge setlist, incredible performer.
Just pointing out that you didn't name a single woman, gentlemen!!! It's okay. I still love you.
I'm ready for an Ariana Grande Superbowl performance!!!!! Or Megan The Stallion! I think Lizzo probably would've been a great choice until...recent issues. Sad! Dua Lipa would be awesome as well.